5 Questions to Ask Veterans
Asking about a Veteran’s service opens the door, and the most powerful thing you can do is simply listen. You don’t need perfect words or special training—just your full attention and respect. Listening with patience, without judgment or pressure. At Axis, we understand how listening is one of the simplest ways to honor their experience and support our neighbors.
1. Did you serve in the military?
Veterans want to be asked about their service. It starts the conversation.
2. Which branch of service?
By asking this question, it shows that you know there is a difference. It is not necessary to know all the specifics of each branch, more important to know that there are differences within each branch and not to generalize.
3. What was your job in the military?
Follow their lead. If they stay light, you stay light. If they go deeper, you make space for that. Don’t press for details or stories they haven’t offered.
4. Would you like to share a little about your service?
If they pause, don’t rush to fill the silence. Silence can be part of feeling safe. If they change the subject, follow their cue. That’s a boundary.
5. What stands out most when you think about that time?
Don’t press for details or stories they haven’t offered. You can honor their service even if you feel differently about the conflict.
You Asked the Question, Now it's Time to Listen
Pause and listen: Allow them the freedom to decide what to share and to what extent.
- Avoid jumping in with your own stories or opinions—this is their moment.
- If they pause, resist the urge to fill the silence. Quiet moments are often essential to feeling safe.
Reflect: Simple reflections go a long way. Here are a couple of examples:
- “Thank you. That sounds like it was a big part of your life.” or
- “Thank you for sharing that with me.”
Respect boundaries: If they pivot to a new topic, follow their lead; this acknowledges and respects an implicit boundary.
- Seek permission: If you want to ask a follow-up question or share your own experience, ask for permission first. This shows respect and allows the person to feel in control of the conversation.
- Avoid comparing their situation to your own or giving unsolicited advice. Instead, focus on being present and supportive.
Offer support, not pressure, if it’s appropriate: If they mention sleep problems, anger, feeling alone, or using alcohol/drugs to cope, you can say something like:
- “A lot of people carry more than they let on. You don’t have to go through it alone.”
- “Axis has people who really get what it’s like to carry tough experiences. You don’t have to be in crisis to talk with someone.”
Ask, listen fully, respect their story, and quietly remind them that support exists in their own community when—and if—they want it.
Your trust means everything to us.
If you have questions about VA healthcare, eligibility, or services in our community, our Veterans Liaison at Durango Integrated Healthcare is here to help you navigate your options with respect and confidentiality. Please call to connect and explore the care and support that best fit your personal needs.